Now i have to go play Proletariat again for a couple of years...
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(pasted from my FurAffinity Journal)
Tommorow i have my last final, then i'm packing up and moving back home, where i have no internet. All i'll have is the public library internet, and no privacy, no scanner.

However... I expect to be kicking it into high gear with my artwork... I'm raring to go.
I found out i have a really really strong Lucifer complex. Hmm.. i'll let you figure that out ;3

If i am going to post work, it would have to be photographs.
I'm STILL taking commissions, badges, bookmarks etc. EMAIL me! Kharnak_the_goat at Yahoo! Holiday Donations? please please. I have a 981$ balance ;_;
Drop me a line, that's the only way you can keep contact with me.

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Question
Why... would female artists want a Male persona? (Whinge, Blotch, etc.)
Is there really a glass ceiling in the art world too?
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Observation
Every couple of years it cycles, where there are female artists that "bubble up" in the Memetic Field, and become wildly popular by "gaming" the system and "mining" what is popular, all the while giving everyone the finger under the table. Then, as we have seen years ago... they get sick and tired of the fandom's quirks, failings, and nuisances, that they begin to show the finger OVER the table. :icongoldenwolf:? Chaaaaaaa-Ching!
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Comments on the Nature of Art, Memetics, Diffusion of information and Computational Sociology

Artonis
hBruton
Vantid
Kacey
FoxFeather
This is it.... this is life...
Competitive System
A Competitive Dynamic System coupled with a Memetic Diffusion system.
Every adage, saying, proverb about Success, Perseverence, and Prosperity are nothing more than qualitative observations of this system....
this is what's "under the hood"
Rough stabs at a solution
FA-Memetic model
Prosperity Equation
think i'm bullshitting? You think i'm just babbling? You think i don't posess an ounce of Logic?
Read up on Computational Sociology, Chaos, Perturbation, Equilibria
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Competitive_Lotka-Volterra_Equations

Set={Moonstalker, WolfKidd, KenSample, Gideon, Disney-RobertGurthrie-Ferris-ICEman, DougWinger, DCRabbit, gNaw, MaxBlackRabbit, Megan, Bonk, Fossil, Nek0Gami,... and the blotch chicks}

Goal: i need to develop my own "money style". sometimes, i have these moments of clarity where i can see the clear path of what i need to do to get to my goal. This will require a fundamental change in my subject matter and technique. I'll have to focus on meaningful, emotional comics, develop characters with history, emotion, while executing art in a very detailed, dynamic fashion, colorful... Sexy, but Vanilla! More well-rounded, including many off-fetishes, and Vanilla topics... simple, effective... What works.

remember Wetherby-HMO? she was perfection. She gamed you all like sheep ;3 and -I- was among the first to Recognize the styles(the eyes, and the Y-shaped vein on every dick was a giveaway). The only problem with this case is that when "Quantum Tunneling" happens, it's not a stable equilibrium because it's based on appearances, and easily "pops". It was an amazing case of a sharp yet unstable "spike".
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Nothing stays the same....
cuz there were always Renegades!
RATM - Renegades of Funk(instrumental)
Now renegades are the people with their own philosophies
They change the course of history
Everyday people like you and me

I've been working down my balance to about 981$ now. but that's all they can do for me. I was denied from 3 lenders, Citibank, EdFinancial, and SallieMae. Economy be fucked, (Thank you so much Reagan!!!)
I have to go straight back to work and play Proletariat for a couple of years....
but as i mentioned, i MAY be able to make it to Anthrocon in 09! I'll finally be able to afford things again.
I'm hoping to finish my degree at FIU, and maybe do some graduate work at UM again. I won't stop until i get the degrees i want. if there is a class of well-payed intelligencia... i want to be in it.
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Not just that.... but in the art world too.. For the past 10 years i've been in this fandom... and i'm tired of it not going anywhere... I want to be one of the Premiere Artists of the fandom. As clearly described in my recent FA Journal entry.
I'm planning on selling things on FurBuy, so i'll try to update you on that.
I'll also try selling stuff on eBay.
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I'm hoping to produce lots of art, but i'll to photograph them because i can't scan without a computer. Expect to see more premium paintings.
I accept Paypal! Kharnak_the_Goat at Yahoo! Donations? I got an outstanding college balance.
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Here's some Pink Floyd songs to zonk out to.
Time
Shine on you Crazy Diamond
High Hopes song about how we have ambitions for the wrong things, and subconsciously we sabotage ourselves.
Us and Them
Comfortably numb

And an old favorite, all warm and fuzzy
NIN - A Warm Place

Sunday evening i had my mom come down to UM... because i was told you CAN use a parent as a cosigner. But unfortunately, she was not eligible. She still has a bankruptcy that gets discharged 2009, so it didn't work out.
I was really hopeful for a bit, thinking there was a 90% chance she'd get approved, even if she had Fair credit. It would just give me the loan at Prime Rate + 1.5% at the most.
So this confirms it for sure now. I really am screwed.
I've done a lot of thinking of the best and worst Scenarios from here.

Worst - I have to leave here before the semester is finished and go straight to work... If i can't get some kind of forbearance on my Current student loans. My UM account goes to UM collections (again) and i'll have to bleed money from whatever paycheck i can find. I won't be able to get back into the college game for a long long time.

Best - I can finish the semester if i get a forbearance or deferment, I Work on campus... When it's over, I go straight to work and start earning some money regularly. I have to shape up and do commissions for money... however possible. eBay stuff... 5$ emergency commissions. I still won't be able to get back into the college game for a long time... BUT, if i'm working and making money... i MAY actually be able to make it to Anthrocon next year if things aren't so tight. --> From here on..... either way... I simply can NOT continue going to UM. This is most certainly, my LAST semester here. As much as i LOVE this place, the faculty, and everything(though i wish it was reciprocated a little more...) It's just not feasible. It won't happen.
I am exploring options at FIU the state college, and i'll have to transfer and finish all my degrees there. I've bled enough money. I must live within my means. It's all i can do.

you can't get Blood from Stone!
I have to put all of my ambitions on hold for a long LONG time, again.

I drew this pic last night... because it's a little hard for me to be brave right now.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1627717/
But I'm a fighter.
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I was having these miniature panic attacks last night... this sick cold feeling in my gut. Not good. I'm better now that i made a few decisions about the future though.

Classes & Book whoring
ok yesterday was my first rundown of classes...
Chemistry - here it gets hard, we'll be getting into Quantum mechanics and electron harmonics ;D
MTH210 - Linear Algebra, i'm trying to find a cheap textbook, perhaps from India? ISBN 9780321287137
MTH513 - holy shit! i'm getting into unfamiliar territory now in Partial Differential equations. it moves pretty fast, but i think i can do it. I'm still trying to find the textbook cheap. ISBN http://www.biblio.com/books/189882600.html is the best i could find. This is one Hardcore class ;D!
I'm gonna skip buying the Chemistry book... it's 200$... like fuck man.. i'm not gonna collect cans for this.

Tuesday & Thursdays i have no classes... except for a Chemistry lab on Tuesday night from 7 to 9:30... maybe i can finally get my hands dirty with the fun chemicals and bottles.
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Kharnak's Music picks
UM Radio WVUM is awesome, they play alternative(real alternative) music that you'll never hear anywhere else... unique and wierd at times. Here are some songs i've heard on WVUM:
High Places - myspace page, has some awesome Psychedelic music, they've rotated, "Golden" and "Head Spins". It's great stuff to get stuck in your head. I wish my dreams were more abstract like this. (Youtube has videos for them too)
White Williams - Violator really fun catchy song. I call it the "Happy dancing mushroom song." or the "DXM song." this really reminds me of my last semester ;3~
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Tommorow will be a breeze... I'm already acclimatized to the walking and the heat.
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Note to self:
Karl Rove needs to be beaten and smeared with Feces. (May he go the rest of his life without toilet paper)

Move-in is Friday. i don't plan on bringing much.

this news of me going back to UM is actually not entirely good news. All this does is cap off a very unproductive summer. I hardly have any cash on hand at all. Mind you, i do have to buy books too. I really have no idea what to do. This tests even my optimism, and pragmatism. Sure, i'll live, i know i'll live.
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Political stuff:
Neiiveté puts us at the emrcy of others. So they can spoonfeed the same rehashed messages over and over. The (i hate this word) establishment relies on LIV's... Low Information voters. They rely on silence, so that the conditioned knee-jerk reactions can prevail.
One must always question the source. Question what you're told. ASK follow-up questions.
"What evidence do you have?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Please elaborate."
"Suppose you're wrong."
"What assumptions have lead you to that conclusion?"

etc.
more critical thinking is here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking
Science, Critical thinking, free thought, intellectualism, scientific skepticism..... these are very important memes. these are memes that have allowed us to judge and discern, modify, and refine the Memepool, and perhaps avoid memes, phenomena that might be harmfull!
Socratic Questioning is very corrosive to Theology, myths, biases, magical thinking, and all the other Legacy habits and tendencies that the Human Hippocampus. As Carl Sagan put it, the primitive Reptile brain, which has ingrained within it, the essential protocols of behaviour that were once vital to social structure..... but now, ironically is the basis for every Religious, selfish and weak failing.
please Please arm yourself! Learn this! know this!
It's your responsibility as a human with self-awareness.

Tony Snow(may he rot in his grave.... oh! he is!!!) used this interesting expression of the kind of self-hating, self-loathing conservative WorldView, referring to the "exploding cigar of human nature."
come on..... we got to give ourselves more credit than that.
Yeah..... i hate to break it to you, but most people really ARE quite stupid... but the (i still hate this word) establishment hopes that you're too STUPID, to not verify anything. Too stupid... to never demand complete, honest, unbiased information. the WHOLE truth. Noth bumper sticker slogans!
So put down the Kool-Aid and for shit's sake, learn something! ;O

George Orwell - "it is only in times of absolute injustice, where telling the TRUTH becomes a revolutionary Act"
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FUCK THE FDA
FUCK THE DEA
FUCK NIDA
FUCK SAMHSA

ok... 8 more days until the UM move-in date.. the 19th, a Sunday. I still do not have a room assigned to me. I got an email from the Housing department sent to all wait-listed students advizing us on Off-campus options.... i saw them, and it's absolute bullshit to me. Rooms and apartments for like $2000/month 12 month lease... crap like that. fuck no. fuck that.
(don't ask how)I know that there are about 65 students on this wait list... i did some calculations, knowing they all have the $250 housing deposit.. that's at LEAST $16,000 that UM is sitting on. Assuming $8,000 for housing expenses for the year, that's a cool half million dollars worth of housing expenses.. Now Tuition and total cost of attendance, give it $33,000(and that's being VERY conservative) that's a possible $2,100,000 or so. The upper limit of $42,000 attendance yields about $2,700,000 of total income, that's just 65 students... so 30 students represents about 1Million dollars of cash flow. Just food for thought....
I neeeeeed to think of some way to get housing on campus, if i cannot get housing, i can't GO. it aint gonna happen. It's August again, the SAME crap is happening again. I remember making a similar journal only 1 year ago, feels like it was yesterday. I almost feel like doing something stupid, or drastic. I need to get in.
Damn I hate stupid people, and inefficient people. People that don't listen to what i say.

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Other News
I went to Michael's yesterday and got some art related things:
-Prismacolor(woohoo i'm l33t) Turqoise series sketching pencils-9B,6H(i couldn't find anything harder)
-Prisma White watercolor pencil(so i can do l33t watercolor highlights)
-3/4" Natural Sable Flat brush for watercolor
-10 pan plastic paint mixing tray (i liked the shape)

I think about buttsex all day every day whether i want to or not -_-..... grrff...

AC constants
-There's always some wierdo who follows me around every AC
-There's always someone who sits next to me in Artist Alley with a laptop who sells really well.
-Nobody ever draws for me
-people trying to hunt and find adamwan... and failing.

Here's my photobucket to illustrate
http://s14.photobucket.com/albums/a339/Kharnak/AC07/?start=all
i can explain any and every question you may have.

B757 was a nice plane, Delta has gotten significantly better since the last time i remember. (they had just about every drink i could want. Cranberry juice, Tonic water with lime, milk) They showed an episode of Scrubs, one of my favorite shows. How nice was that? I used my bigass pilot sized headphones.
Mind you.... i had a really BAD ear infection most of the time, as 2gryphon would describe, it's like "jamming crushed glass in my ear."
the MD-88 was a nicer plane then i thought. I noticed that it "feels" different and it turns differently, probably from the T-tail design.
Otherwise the flight went off without a hitch, and i got to the hotel easily(aside from the wierd homeless woman following me all the way).
This AC, i am pleased that i was able to meet, greet, or at least spot or encounter in some way every person i had on my list.
I didn't buy anything from the Dealer's Den this time, i wasn't in the mood for spending money.... but, as i was sitting in artist alley, i saw some tails and said.. "damnit i want a lion tail, right now" but it was too late, so i waited until tommorow. I really really like my new tail too. I wore it all the way home, and everyone thought it was cool, like the baggage handlers, flight crew, and even my mom, she even wanted to borrow it. go figure.
Waaaaaaah Saturday i wasn't able to get into Artist Alley, by luck of the draw. I hardly made any money either, but i can always liquidate on Furbid. So basically i began to give away my artwork prints for free. The reason why is because i don't plan on being able to make it back to AC for a long long time due to uncertain financial future. Hopefully if i can get housing, I'll be heading back to college to finish up, and i won't have any disposable income for a long time unless something wierd happens. So, sadly, there's no point in keeping these heavy prints around stagnating. Nobody buys them anyway. (The shower of dollar bills was real nice though, and quite unexpected ;D wow)

I was told what i needed to be told, and i heard what i needed to hear from certain friends. I feel a lot more motivated to produce artwork now.
I was feeling physically better then i did last year, so i was able to handle things better, and i was able to make it to the dances at night.
This AC was noted by its.... lack of sleep aspect. maybe 4 hours in 3 days. the only time i slept good was when i encountered Darien Darkwolf and the Pawpets guys, as you can see from the photograph. They even left me a huge peanut butter and chocolate birthday cake, how awesome! :D I used to watch Pawpets regularly, and i should get back into it, you can find some great stuff on youtube also. ohhhh man it felt good to sleep... Honestly... i was slightly relieved that i didn't get into Artist Alley the 2nd day, i just didn't think i could wing it again.
I think Saturday night, i was at the dance, and i turned around... for a moment i thought it was Ayato, until i saw the badge, Zaush. I said to myself "oh... him" so i snapped a photo casually while he was videoing his Citra design suit, which looked really good, and i'm sure there are videos and photos popping up by now. (Please link me if you find them) What i find amusing is that every year i encounter people trying to find adamwan, like "hey i'm looking for him, we're trying to find him" and i decide to tag along. Every year they failed. Oddly enough, i turn around... and there he is. *snap* and what i found most amusing, is when i turned around again, he was gone!!! XD Ahaha! ohhh man.. some people, i tell ya.
ICEman was the total opposite, he was everywhere! :D he wore the same shirt the whole time. (As did i, but hey, i didn't have access to a hotel room)

I really miss the congoing mindset. I hate having to adjust back to everyday life again. People being judgemental, etc. -_-
As expected, the last day was quite sad for me, and yes i did cry on the plane, but not as much as before.
Now... all in all, in spite of my bad ear infection and icky cold, i can still look past the negatives, and i'd say i had loads of fun. I miss being there. You've got to hear about my trip back, it was a fun little ordeal in itself ;O
The bus to the airport took longer than expected, but fortunately.... the plane broke, and was delayed.(it also broke on the way up to Pittsburgh, damn those MD-88s break down like wth man) So i was happy i made it on the plane, however..... we took longer than expected and most of us missed our connection. BUT, Delta took care of us, and gave us meal vouchers and hotel vouchers, which i thought was very nice of them. I saw groups of people from other airlines sleeping in the terminal, i'm glad i didn't have to play the Vagrancy Game yet again. I made use of my Meal voucher and got some kickass Wendy's, omg that potato was SO good! and that Frosty, damn! and damn that was a good ass burger! :O I got on the shuttle to the Comfort Inn, and everyone was grouchy except me, i was actually in an oddly good mood and polite the whole time. It felt SO good to have a room all to myself, mine mine. A coffee machine.. for me? 2 beds, and an air conditioner, that I controlllll Ahaha! no no jack, you turn on when I command now! mmm damn they had some good ass coffee too. mostly cuz it was all free, courtesy of Delta. Honestly, I don't blame Delta for this amazing cascade of inconveniences, I blame Mcdonnell Douglas aircraft. Many of these planes were built in the 80s, most of us don't have cars that old.
After being at AC, i found it much easier to socialize with people, like i could start up conversations with just about anybody, i was chatting with people on where they're from and where they're going, and how they got into the predicament they are in, like this guy from Las Vegas said they had to cancel his flight because it was simply too hot to take off in a fully loaded 767(bigass plane). Now... i got on the airport shuttle real early.... BUT, since it was Monday morning, the busiest day.. in the busiest airport ATL, there were Disneyland sized crowds. The security had to corall everybody into walking these long curvy zigzag paths all throughout the terminal.(went surprisingly fast though.) This airport is so huge, we use trains to get to the gates, i was like "2000meters? you're fucking with me! :O" Anyway, most of us STILL missed our connection because of the unexpected airport crowds, so i was put on the next flight a couple hours later... phew, ok, so i had some Starbucks Tea. When i got on the plane, i was put all the way in the back, row 37 of an MD-88, so i looked out the window and 6" from the window was a P&W engine, i thought awesome! heck i don't mind. It was one bumpy ass(fun) flight too ;D
90 minutes of this. Ahhh but i still love flying.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKxa2daLcmQ
"please use caution while removing overhead baggage as contents have definately shifted"
"please remain seated until we've come to a complete stop. No person has ever beaten the plane to the gate, so please do not try"
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PS: i finally got the hospital bill, 8560$ but it's because the insurance didn't go through, and i need to make some phone calls to correct some info. Basically BlueCross got my birthday wrong... this does not put me in a good mood.

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PS: also.... as of now I'm currently on the Housing waiting list at UM. I will receive another letter in the 1st week of August either giving me a room assignment, or an update on my waiting list status. If i can't get housing, i can't go.