Now i have to go play Proletariat again for a couple of years...
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(pasted from my FurAffinity Journal)
Tommorow i have my last final, then i'm packing up and moving back home, where i have no internet. All i'll have is the public library internet, and no privacy, no scanner.

However... I expect to be kicking it into high gear with my artwork... I'm raring to go.
I found out i have a really really strong Lucifer complex. Hmm.. i'll let you figure that out ;3

If i am going to post work, it would have to be photographs.
I'm STILL taking commissions, badges, bookmarks etc. EMAIL me! Kharnak_the_goat at Yahoo! Holiday Donations? please please. I have a 981$ balance ;_;
Drop me a line, that's the only way you can keep contact with me.

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Question
Why... would female artists want a Male persona? (Whinge, Blotch, etc.)
Is there really a glass ceiling in the art world too?
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Observation
Every couple of years it cycles, where there are female artists that "bubble up" in the Memetic Field, and become wildly popular by "gaming" the system and "mining" what is popular, all the while giving everyone the finger under the table. Then, as we have seen years ago... they get sick and tired of the fandom's quirks, failings, and nuisances, that they begin to show the finger OVER the table. :icongoldenwolf:? Chaaaaaaa-Ching!
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Comments on the Nature of Art, Memetics, Diffusion of information and Computational Sociology

Artonis
hBruton
Vantid
Kacey
FoxFeather
This is it.... this is life...
Competitive System
A Competitive Dynamic System coupled with a Memetic Diffusion system.
Every adage, saying, proverb about Success, Perseverence, and Prosperity are nothing more than qualitative observations of this system....
this is what's "under the hood"
Rough stabs at a solution
FA-Memetic model
Prosperity Equation
think i'm bullshitting? You think i'm just babbling? You think i don't posess an ounce of Logic?
Read up on Computational Sociology, Chaos, Perturbation, Equilibria
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Competitive_Lotka-Volterra_Equations

Set={Moonstalker, WolfKidd, KenSample, Gideon, Disney-RobertGurthrie-Ferris-ICEman, DougWinger, DCRabbit, gNaw, MaxBlackRabbit, Megan, Bonk, Fossil, Nek0Gami,... and the blotch chicks}

Goal: i need to develop my own "money style". sometimes, i have these moments of clarity where i can see the clear path of what i need to do to get to my goal. This will require a fundamental change in my subject matter and technique. I'll have to focus on meaningful, emotional comics, develop characters with history, emotion, while executing art in a very detailed, dynamic fashion, colorful... Sexy, but Vanilla! More well-rounded, including many off-fetishes, and Vanilla topics... simple, effective... What works.

remember Wetherby-HMO? she was perfection. She gamed you all like sheep ;3 and -I- was among the first to Recognize the styles(the eyes, and the Y-shaped vein on every dick was a giveaway). The only problem with this case is that when "Quantum Tunneling" happens, it's not a stable equilibrium because it's based on appearances, and easily "pops". It was an amazing case of a sharp yet unstable "spike".
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Nothing stays the same....
cuz there were always Renegades!
RATM - Renegades of Funk(instrumental)
Now renegades are the people with their own philosophies
They change the course of history
Everyday people like you and me

I've been working down my balance to about 981$ now. but that's all they can do for me. I was denied from 3 lenders, Citibank, EdFinancial, and SallieMae. Economy be fucked, (Thank you so much Reagan!!!)
I have to go straight back to work and play Proletariat for a couple of years....
but as i mentioned, i MAY be able to make it to Anthrocon in 09! I'll finally be able to afford things again.
I'm hoping to finish my degree at FIU, and maybe do some graduate work at UM again. I won't stop until i get the degrees i want. if there is a class of well-payed intelligencia... i want to be in it.
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Not just that.... but in the art world too.. For the past 10 years i've been in this fandom... and i'm tired of it not going anywhere... I want to be one of the Premiere Artists of the fandom. As clearly described in my recent FA Journal entry.
I'm planning on selling things on FurBuy, so i'll try to update you on that.
I'll also try selling stuff on eBay.
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I'm hoping to produce lots of art, but i'll to photograph them because i can't scan without a computer. Expect to see more premium paintings.
I accept Paypal! Kharnak_the_Goat at Yahoo! Donations? I got an outstanding college balance.
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Here's some Pink Floyd songs to zonk out to.
Time
Shine on you Crazy Diamond
High Hopes song about how we have ambitions for the wrong things, and subconsciously we sabotage ourselves.
Us and Them
Comfortably numb

And an old favorite, all warm and fuzzy
NIN - A Warm Place

Sunday evening i had my mom come down to UM... because i was told you CAN use a parent as a cosigner. But unfortunately, she was not eligible. She still has a bankruptcy that gets discharged 2009, so it didn't work out.
I was really hopeful for a bit, thinking there was a 90% chance she'd get approved, even if she had Fair credit. It would just give me the loan at Prime Rate + 1.5% at the most.
So this confirms it for sure now. I really am screwed.
I've done a lot of thinking of the best and worst Scenarios from here.

Worst - I have to leave here before the semester is finished and go straight to work... If i can't get some kind of forbearance on my Current student loans. My UM account goes to UM collections (again) and i'll have to bleed money from whatever paycheck i can find. I won't be able to get back into the college game for a long long time.

Best - I can finish the semester if i get a forbearance or deferment, I Work on campus... When it's over, I go straight to work and start earning some money regularly. I have to shape up and do commissions for money... however possible. eBay stuff... 5$ emergency commissions. I still won't be able to get back into the college game for a long time... BUT, if i'm working and making money... i MAY actually be able to make it to Anthrocon next year if things aren't so tight. --> From here on..... either way... I simply can NOT continue going to UM. This is most certainly, my LAST semester here. As much as i LOVE this place, the faculty, and everything(though i wish it was reciprocated a little more...) It's just not feasible. It won't happen.
I am exploring options at FIU the state college, and i'll have to transfer and finish all my degrees there. I've bled enough money. I must live within my means. It's all i can do.

you can't get Blood from Stone!
I have to put all of my ambitions on hold for a long LONG time, again.

I drew this pic last night... because it's a little hard for me to be brave right now.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1627717/
But I'm a fighter.
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I was having these miniature panic attacks last night... this sick cold feeling in my gut. Not good. I'm better now that i made a few decisions about the future though.

Classes & Book whoring
ok yesterday was my first rundown of classes...
Chemistry - here it gets hard, we'll be getting into Quantum mechanics and electron harmonics ;D
MTH210 - Linear Algebra, i'm trying to find a cheap textbook, perhaps from India? ISBN 9780321287137
MTH513 - holy shit! i'm getting into unfamiliar territory now in Partial Differential equations. it moves pretty fast, but i think i can do it. I'm still trying to find the textbook cheap. ISBN http://www.biblio.com/books/189882600.html is the best i could find. This is one Hardcore class ;D!
I'm gonna skip buying the Chemistry book... it's 200$... like fuck man.. i'm not gonna collect cans for this.

Tuesday & Thursdays i have no classes... except for a Chemistry lab on Tuesday night from 7 to 9:30... maybe i can finally get my hands dirty with the fun chemicals and bottles.
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Kharnak's Music picks
UM Radio WVUM is awesome, they play alternative(real alternative) music that you'll never hear anywhere else... unique and wierd at times. Here are some songs i've heard on WVUM:
High Places - myspace page, has some awesome Psychedelic music, they've rotated, "Golden" and "Head Spins". It's great stuff to get stuck in your head. I wish my dreams were more abstract like this. (Youtube has videos for them too)
White Williams - Violator really fun catchy song. I call it the "Happy dancing mushroom song." or the "DXM song." this really reminds me of my last semester ;3~
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Tommorow will be a breeze... I'm already acclimatized to the walking and the heat.
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Note to self:
Karl Rove needs to be beaten and smeared with Feces. (May he go the rest of his life without toilet paper)

I'm going to CaneFest, which is an event in the Bank United Center, with loud music, and free stuff, from all the student Organizations, etc. i'm gonna try to score some goodies ;3 (My other room mate still haven't moved in.... oh well!!!)
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Today's Chimera music hot picks
Here are some selections of cool, awesome, amazing music:
Jimmy Hendrix - all along the watchtower - omg, damn this is good.
Jimmy Hendrix - Voodoo child - omg, this is amazing. the feelings, the affect. you don't hear this much anymore.
Matisyahu - youth - i like the feel of this song. makes you want to get up and... DO something, kinda like most Rage against the Machine songs do. Even though the context is a pro-Zionist, the message is clear. bla bla, you've heard me go on at length in previous journals about education and Liberal views.
RATM - Renegades of Funk - i love the fiery rebellious affect all these songs have. go listen to this, and them go out and... Argue with someone! ;D I'll help back you up! just ask me!
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UM not to join lowered drinking Age movement
On Campus, there is this debate going on about lowering the Drinking age to 18 on campuses. Donna Shalala, UM President, of course, is opposed. Keep in mind, from her background as the former Secretary of the DHHS (department of health & human services) she would hold the same antiquated, sleight of hand, "boogeyman politics" straight from the Conservative playbook as everybody else who is associated with the.....
FDA(the brilliant, "Fairly Dumb Administration" delegated to keep your food safe from E. Coli, Salmonella, and Mexican illegal immigrant urine and fecal matter *whistle*),
DEA(part of the VERY profitable Prison Industrial Complex),
NIDA(whitehouse pawn),
whitehouse drug control policy(the strategy crafting arm of the WhiteHouse, the Propaganda mill, a few extra bullhorns on the Republican NOISE machine) NIDA edits the Wikipedia page, removing critical points about it! ;3 smooooooooooooth!
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Here are Today's Featured Fuckheads
Karen Tandy Former DEA head, oops, looks like she'd rather take a job with Motorola than address an insurmountable issues of policy Reform, oh so compassionate, my bleeding Heart aches.
Asa Hutchinson Former DEA propagandist shit-spinner
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Conservative wacky land(i need a better name for this segment)
Here's a piece of Sheeeee-it from NIDA.... just read it.. apply Critical thinking, keep in mind all we've discussed about Chemistry, Psychopharmacology, Cannabinoid receptors and it's recooperative Immunomodulatory Neuroprotective effects, etc. NIDA facts: Marijuana
FYI.... Cannabis is NOT Dopaminergic... Jeez, for shit's sake already -_O What Century are they living in?

Henry David Thorough - "in a society that imprisons unjustly, a just person's rightful place... is in prison" Civil Disobedience

Move-in is Friday. i don't plan on bringing much.

this news of me going back to UM is actually not entirely good news. All this does is cap off a very unproductive summer. I hardly have any cash on hand at all. Mind you, i do have to buy books too. I really have no idea what to do. This tests even my optimism, and pragmatism. Sure, i'll live, i know i'll live.
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Political stuff:
Neiiveté puts us at the emrcy of others. So they can spoonfeed the same rehashed messages over and over. The (i hate this word) establishment relies on LIV's... Low Information voters. They rely on silence, so that the conditioned knee-jerk reactions can prevail.
One must always question the source. Question what you're told. ASK follow-up questions.
"What evidence do you have?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Please elaborate."
"Suppose you're wrong."
"What assumptions have lead you to that conclusion?"

etc.
more critical thinking is here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking
Science, Critical thinking, free thought, intellectualism, scientific skepticism..... these are very important memes. these are memes that have allowed us to judge and discern, modify, and refine the Memepool, and perhaps avoid memes, phenomena that might be harmfull!
Socratic Questioning is very corrosive to Theology, myths, biases, magical thinking, and all the other Legacy habits and tendencies that the Human Hippocampus. As Carl Sagan put it, the primitive Reptile brain, which has ingrained within it, the essential protocols of behaviour that were once vital to social structure..... but now, ironically is the basis for every Religious, selfish and weak failing.
please Please arm yourself! Learn this! know this!
It's your responsibility as a human with self-awareness.

Tony Snow(may he rot in his grave.... oh! he is!!!) used this interesting expression of the kind of self-hating, self-loathing conservative WorldView, referring to the "exploding cigar of human nature."
come on..... we got to give ourselves more credit than that.
Yeah..... i hate to break it to you, but most people really ARE quite stupid... but the (i still hate this word) establishment hopes that you're too STUPID, to not verify anything. Too stupid... to never demand complete, honest, unbiased information. the WHOLE truth. Noth bumper sticker slogans!
So put down the Kool-Aid and for shit's sake, learn something! ;O

George Orwell - "it is only in times of absolute injustice, where telling the TRUTH becomes a revolutionary Act"
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FUCK THE FDA
FUCK THE DEA
FUCK NIDA
FUCK SAMHSA

ok... 8 more days until the UM move-in date.. the 19th, a Sunday. I still do not have a room assigned to me. I got an email from the Housing department sent to all wait-listed students advizing us on Off-campus options.... i saw them, and it's absolute bullshit to me. Rooms and apartments for like $2000/month 12 month lease... crap like that. fuck no. fuck that.
(don't ask how)I know that there are about 65 students on this wait list... i did some calculations, knowing they all have the $250 housing deposit.. that's at LEAST $16,000 that UM is sitting on. Assuming $8,000 for housing expenses for the year, that's a cool half million dollars worth of housing expenses.. Now Tuition and total cost of attendance, give it $33,000(and that's being VERY conservative) that's a possible $2,100,000 or so. The upper limit of $42,000 attendance yields about $2,700,000 of total income, that's just 65 students... so 30 students represents about 1Million dollars of cash flow. Just food for thought....
I neeeeeed to think of some way to get housing on campus, if i cannot get housing, i can't GO. it aint gonna happen. It's August again, the SAME crap is happening again. I remember making a similar journal only 1 year ago, feels like it was yesterday. I almost feel like doing something stupid, or drastic. I need to get in.
Damn I hate stupid people, and inefficient people. People that don't listen to what i say.

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Other News
I went to Michael's yesterday and got some art related things:
-Prismacolor(woohoo i'm l33t) Turqoise series sketching pencils-9B,6H(i couldn't find anything harder)
-Prisma White watercolor pencil(so i can do l33t watercolor highlights)
-3/4" Natural Sable Flat brush for watercolor
-10 pan plastic paint mixing tray (i liked the shape)

I think about buttsex all day every day whether i want to or not -_-..... grrff...

2 weeks until UM Move in date...and i still have no word on whether i got a room -_-
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(Cross posted from FA)
I've unwatched some artists. I simply do not want to see their work anymore. it's just not good for me. Take it personally? ...good
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I often find myself kicking myself for divulging and revealing the things that i think about.... in the strictest Machiavellian sense, i should keep my mouth shut and not let anyone know what I'm thinking... But once again i feel the strange need to put myself out there. (you see, things like that can some day be used against you) Here i go...
There is actually an inconsistent correlation between pageviews, watches, comments, Favs, (and the rates at which they occur) and the actual artistic value of an artist here... I've seen dozens of Wonderful Amazing artists here (whom i really do honestly believe are better than me in every way, technique and contentwise)... that have not even broken the 5000 views mark, even though they've been here a while.... there are individuals who are vastly underrated... and there are individuals that are vastly overrated... I've been working on a few little concepts on popularity on a web based Art community environment, not concentrating on FA alone, although i lack the precise and rigorous mathematical language and notation to describe them.... All i have are sketches, graphs, and descriptions of the phenomena. Here are the topics:
Ping, Lag, Rhythm, Reverb, Residual Ping

(think i'm obsessed with detail? stFu, people do this every day in the stock market, and market research, the movie industry, etc. stFu) Basically.. there's a reason why it's better to submit art during a certain time of day... and space them 2-3 days apart. Smart and questioning individuals would be happy to ask me more, and possibly help contribute to my little side project.
Maybe my timing was off and the Lag is very long.. but some of my finest works... like
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/98733/ and
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/98716/ have Bombed so dismally.. bombomb, i mean... woowee... god damn, nothing gets me in a Worse mood then looking through my OWN gallery sometimes. That Orca.. never sold.
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I've been taking a bit of time to myself to learn.. and refine some techniques. I've been getting ahead of myself for a long time. My art is Shit, and it will stay Shit as long as i don't refine and honestly discipline and hone my skills. Just as one cannot learn to land a plane safely just by reading a book about it, it takes practice and real world "feel" training. I have learned:
-How to make clean consistent cross-hatching!
I've been increasingly frustrated with my work. that's the main feeling i have, plain and simple. It's not what i want it to be. I do not get what i want out of it... i do not enjoy artwork. It is a difficult process. I do not do art for some abstract need to create, I do art because of the results i get. Because experiencing those results feels good. and there's just nothing more to it. If you want to help me, then talk to me, tell me what's on your mind about my artwork. If you're quiet, you're really not helping me in any way... and that is a great way to get on my bad side.
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So to end on a cheerful note.. ehh.. hmm... shit, i don't know... i've been feeling a lot more energetic, assertive, outgoing, aggressive, decisive, lately... sometimes a bit Assholish.... but i still really really like it... unfortunately, i have nothing to apply it to -_- nowhere to go. just my luck.
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I'm gonna go check my snail mail now.... i'm waiting for word from the UM Housing.
I'm going to get dressed in my nice work pants and shirt... just to discourage any police from stopping me in my own fucking neighborhood and asking me why i'm walking around -_- Burglars don't wear Oxford shirts ya know...
grrr.. goddamnit i feel like breaking something.